Love Languages IRL: How They Actually Show Up in Relationships
We've all heard about love languages at a point in our lives; maybe from an Instagram post, an online quiz, or a popular podcast. Beyond knowing each language and what resonates with us, what do these love languages actually mean in real life, why are they important, and what are some examples of them? According to Gary Chapman, there are five love languages. These love languages consist of words of affirmation, acts of service, receiving gifts, quality time, and physical touch. Understanding your love language can help you improve your relationships in different realms of life, including familial connections and friendships. There are different psychological benefits that stem from these types of love languages and cater to different emotional needs. This blog post will discuss each love language using examples from Love Island, Friends, New Girl, and How I Met Your Mother.
Words of Affirmation
This type of love language occurs when people feel validated through spoken expressions of affection. This expression can be given through compliments, validation, and emotional intimacy. This can be seen in the TV show Friends, when Chandler’s mood constantly improves as Monica gives him praise. Psychologically, words of affirmation can boost one's self-esteem through verbal reassurance and improve one's confidence. This form of affirmation serves as positive reinforcement and relates to attachment theory, reducing insecurity.
Acts of Service
This type of love language occurs when people express love through thoughtful and helpful actions that relieve stress for their partner. This expression can be demonstrated by helping with errands, cooking meals, and even the little things that make one’s partner happy through emotional care. This act can be seen in Love Island as many of the boy islanders bring their “girls” breakfast each morning. Psychologically, acts of service provide feelings of being cared for and supported between each partner. A popular form of altruism that people live by in today’s society is “actions speak louder than words”, and this strongly applies to individuals who value this love language.
Receiving Gifts
This type of love language occurs when someone values meaningful items that symbolize thoughtfulness, rather than materialism. In season 4 of New Girl, Nick gives Jess a box of keepsakes that hold sentimental value and make her emotional. Psychologically, receiving gifts allows people to feel seen and supported through these genuine gestures. It signifies that someone has been thoughtfully remembered and deeply appreciated, relating to associative memory, as gifts serve as connections.
Quality Time
This type of love language occurs when someone feels loved by their partner's attention and presence. Date nights, deep conversations, and scheduled time together are all examples of quality time in a relationship. Also relating to Love Island, many couples pull each other for “chats” or want alone time to strengthen their connection. Psychologically, quality time can reduce feelings of loneliness and insecurity and is linked to secure attachment styles. The expression of offering time to your partner enhances communication and increases shared positive experiences. In a world full of distractions, the importance of presence is powerful.
Physical Touch
This type of love language occurs through physical affection that can ultimately turn into emotional bonding. This expression can be shown by holding hands, hugging, kissing to signify hello or goodbye, and body language. Marshall and Lily constantly display this love language in the show How I Met Your Mother, as they demonstrate PDA (public displays of affection) in front of their friends, even if it makes them uncomfortable. Touch is the first love language that we learn as we enter life and is rooted in early development. Psychologically, physical touch can make someone feel safe in their relationship and loved. Physical affection stimulates oxytocin, which is the “bonding hormone”, and creates a feeling of security and comfort. Touch also reduces cortisol levels, which are a person's stress hormones, and promotes emotional regulation.
Overall, each love language fulfills different core needs for a human, such as connection, support, and emotional safety. Understanding your partner's love language isn’t solely a romantic indication; it is a meaningful act that stems from emotional intelligence and maturity. In today’s world, it is very common to fall into the trap of comparing your relationship to those you see unfold on screen, or even the dynamics of friends and family, and feel envious of how their love languages are being met. But as the quote goes, “Comparison is the thief of joy”. It is a great reminder that every relationship is unique, and fulfillment should come from understanding and nurturing the needs within your own relationship and not from others. By honoring these love languages, people strengthen their relationships by acknowledging profound psychological roots and ultimately foster an authentic emotional connection.