Getting to Know Your Parts: A Guide to Understanding Yourself Better

Written by: Avery Bowser, Psychotherapist in Training at Be You Psychotherapy

Picture this scenario: it’s Friday night at the end of a long week. Your friends invited you to dinner and drinks across town. You feel torn - part of you wants to go out, connect, and make memories. But another part of you longs to put on comfy clothes, watch a movie, and recharge with some alone time. You may go back and forth between these two impulses, feeling a little stuck in the decision and second-guessing whichever option you choose.

Sound familiar?

Whether you’re new to therapy, have been in it for years, or engage with wellness content online, you may have heard of the concept of “parts” or “parts work.” The idea that humans hold many “parts” of ourselves has been around in both psychology and everyday language for decades. It’s most famously associated with a therapy approach called Internal Family Systems (IFS).

Working with parts in therapy can be tremendously helpful for gaining a deeper understanding of your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors, and building a stronger sense of choice in how you respond to life’s challenges. This post kicks off a three-part series breaking down the science of how parts are created, the types of parts we all tend to have, and what parts work can look like in therapy.

So let’s start here: what exactly are “parts,” and why do we have them?

Multiplicity: The science behind our “parts”

At first, the idea that we have multiple “parts” inside of us can sound strange, almost like it means we’re split or inconsistent. But in fact, multiplicity is a normal, healthy, and scientifically recognized aspect of how the human brain works.

Think about it: you probably act differently at work than you do at home. You might use one tone of voice when speaking with your boss, and a completely different one when joking with a close friend. Maybe you’re confident and assertive in some settings, but quieter and more reserved in others. These aren’t signs of being fake or inauthentic - they’re signs of your brain’s flexibility.

In neuroscience terms, your brain develops different patterns of response for different contexts. Each “part” is like a mental and emotional program you’ve learned, often shaped by your environment and the people around you.

How parts are formed

From a young age, we start developing parts in response to the situations we’re in and the relationships we have. For example, if a child learns that being quiet keeps the peace with a critical parent, a “quiet, careful” part begins to form. Over time, that way of being becomes automatic, and the body remembers it as the safest way to respond in that environment.

This is sometimes called “implicit memory” - the type of memory you don’t consciously recall, but that guides your reactions nonetheless. Just as your hands know how to type without you thinking about each keystroke, your parts know how to “step in” when certain cues arise.

What’s more, these learned responses don’t just stay in the original context. They generalize. In our example, the child doesn’t just become quiet around their parent - that quiet, careful part might also take over around a teacher, a boss, or even a romantic partner who reminds them (on some level) of that parent.

Over the years, you can accumulate many different parts - protective ones, playful ones, hardworking ones, self-critical ones. Each has its origin story, even if you no longer remember the specific moment it formed.

Why this matters in therapy

When we feel stuck or conflicted, it’s often because different parts of us are pulling in opposite directions. That Friday night tug-of-war between going out and staying in? That’s two parts, each trying to meet a need.

Therapy that works with parts helps you slow down, notice these patterns, and bring more compassion and choice into how you respond. The goal isn’t to get rid of parts, since every part developed for a legitimate reason, but to better understand them and update the old “programming” that may no longer serve you.

Bringing it all together

So, what are parts? They’re the learned, embodied patterns that shape how we move through the world. They form out of real-life experiences, they operate automatically, and they often show up to protect us, even if their methods don’t always serve us anymore.

Understanding your parts doesn’t just help explain why you think, feel, or act the way you do. It also opens the door to greater compassion for yourself. When you realize that each part was doing its best to help you at some point in your life, it becomes easier to approach yourself with kindness instead of judgment.

In future posts, we’ll take this exploration further, looking at the most common types of parts people tend to carry, and what it actually looks like to work with parts in the therapy room.

For now, I invite you to notice your own daily parts. Who shows up when you’re at work? When you’re with friends? When you’re alone? Simply paying attention is the first step in developing a more compassionate and empowered relationship with yourself.

If you’re curious about how parts work might help you better understand yourself, consider scheduling a consult with Avery Bowser. At Be You Psychotherapy, she helps clients explore their parts in a safe, supportive space, helping them act with more intention and compassion in their daily lives.