Part 3: What Parts Work Looks Like in a Therapy Session

Written By: Avery Bowser, Psychotherapist in Training

What “Parts Work” Looks Like in Therapy

This is the third and final post in our series on Parts Work. In our first post, we explored the general concept of parts and how they form. In our second post, we took a deeper look at the different kinds of parts we all have, and how they show up in our daily lives. Now, we’ll bring it all together to illustrate what parts work can look like in therapy.

Noticing and “Unblending” from Our Parts

One of the first steps in parts work is learning to notice when a part has taken over, and to gently create some space between you and that part. In Internal Family Systems (IFS), this is called “unblending.”

When we’re blended with a part, we’re essentially seeing and reacting through its lens. For example, maybe you notice a harsh inner critic saying, “You’re never going to get this right.” In that moment, it’s easy to become the critic - to feel fused with its urgency or fear.

Unblending is about shifting from being the critic to noticing the critic. You might take a breath and think, “A part of me feels like I’m failing right now.” That small change in language signals a huge shift, in which your Self - that calm, compassionate core within all of us - begins to step forward.

From this place, you can start to get curious: What is this part afraid would happen if it didn’t work so hard to keep me on track? What does it need from me right now? This is how healing begins, through awareness, curiosity, and caring.

When We’re Blended, Our View Narrows

When we’re blended with a part, our understanding of ourselves and others becomes limited. We can only see what that part sees and know what it knows.

Neuroscience backs this up: much of our day-to-day functioning is automatic, governed by deeply ingrained neural pathways that help us move through the world efficiently. That works well for things like driving a car or washing the dishes. But emotionally and relationally, those automatic responses can sometimes cause harm.

Maybe a perfectionist part takes over at work to keep you from ever feeling embarrassed, or a withdrawn part shuts down when conflict arises because it learned early on that speaking up led to rejection. These parts developed strategies that worked initially, often when you were young, but can now feel restrictive or outdated.

It can be helpful to realize that the patterns that feel stuck now probably started as a child’s best attempt to keep you safe. When we realize that, we can begin to approach these parts with understanding rather than judgment, and start letting our adult Self take the lead.

Finding Balance Between Too Close and Too Far

Sometimes when we begin to unblend from one part, another one steps in. For instance, when a sad or fearful part surfaces, a protective part might rush in to distract you or downplay the feeling. This is natural! These parts have been doing their jobs for a long time.

In therapy, part of the work is finding a healthy balance: we want our pain close enough to understand and care for it, but not so close that it completely consumes us. When a wound feels too far away, we may feel disconnected or numb. When it feels too close, we can feel flooded or overwhelmed.

This idea is sometimes described as the “window of tolerance,” which is the emotional range where we can stay connected to our experience without becoming overwhelmed. That sweet spot where we can notice, listen, and stay present is where healing happens. It’s where the Self can come forward and lead with steadiness and compassion.

Letting the Self Lead

IFS calls this Self-leadership: allowing the Self, rather than our protective or wounded parts, to guide us.

When the Self leads, we’re not pushing parts away or trying to silence them. Instead, we’re getting to know them. We might say to an anxious part, “I see how hard you’re working to keep me safe.” We might ask a critical part, “What are you afraid would happen if you stopped being so tough on me?”

In doing this, we’re helping those parts feel seen and understood, maybe for the first time. And as they begin to trust that the Self is here to take care of things, they can start to relax. The exhausted protector no longer has to keep you on high alert, and the wounded exile no longer feels so alone.

Healing the System

When we tend to our wounded parts, the whole internal system benefits. The parts that used to overwork, numb out, or self-criticize can finally rest a little. Many clients describe feeling lighter, calmer, and more present - not because they’ve eliminated their parts, but because they’ve learned to relate to them differently.

And perhaps most importantly, there’s hope. When we’re deeply blended with a part that’s hurting, it can feel like all of us is sad or broken. But that’s never the case. It’s just that one part of you that hasn’t received enough care yet.

In the past, there may not have been an adult around to comfort that part and ask what it needs. But now, there is: you.

If you’re curious about how parts work might help you better understand yourself, consider scheduling a consult with Avery Bowser. At Be You Psychotherapy, she helps clients explore their parts in a safe, supportive space, helping them act with more intention and compassion in their daily lives.