Returning From Maternity Leave: The Dichotomies of Motherhood

Written By: Madeline Weinfeld Shill

I’m sitting here writing this blog on my first official day back from maternity leave with my second baby, Ryder. As the founder of Be You Psychotherapy, I may not have fully detached while on leave, but I know how incredibly lucky I am to truly love and feel passionate about my work. I have deep compassion and empathy for the countless mothers (and fathers!) who have to return to jobs that don’t offer them the same sense of meaning that my work does for me.

And despite all of that genuine positivity, I noticed a deep heaviness in my chest this morning as I embarked on my first full day away from my baby. In that moment, I realized that this dichotomy epitomizes so much of motherhood. There are so many days when I feel exhausted, hoping for a smooth bedtime—only to find myself lying in bed later, scrolling through photos of my children, desperately missing them and wishing I could wake them up for one more snuggle. How can I simultaneously wish for the days to speed up, and for time to please, please slow down?

Last week, our family went on vacation to Florida. Watching my toddler, Avery, find such immense joy in every part of the trip was nothing short of inspiring. To recognize that we are responsible not only for our children’s safety and well-being, but also for their joy, is both an immense privilege and a profound responsibility. And again, the dichotomy appears. Getting ready for a simple excursion to the pool involves so many logistics—do I have everyone’s diapers, changes of clothes, backup changes of clothes, bottles, backup bottles, sunscreen, diaper cream, hats, etc.? It’s easy to feel overwhelmed by the literal weight of my bag and the even heavier weight of the mental load. But then we arrive at the pool, and my daughter lights up as she plays in the water, as if nothing in the world has ever been more magical. I would pack and repack endless bags to see that smile and hear that laugh.

As a therapist, I spent a lot of time on this vacation thinking about how much more joy adults might feel if we could hold onto some of that childlike, carefree wonder.

I’ve noticed that as Avery has gotten older, we’ve started to assign everything a specific “time”—the obvious ones like “bath time,” “bedtime,” and “snack time,” as well as the less obvious: “sunscreen time,” “put your brother’s blanket away time,” “special time,” and so on. Giving these moments a title helps her understand expectations, but I’ve also found that it creates a sense of purpose—and even excitement—around the simplest tasks. What if we, as adults, approached our to-do lists with a bit more intention or enthusiasm? We all have so much to do, but if we reframed them as things we get to do, might we tap into a bit more of that childlike energy?

My husband and I have been relying on motivational Instagram posts more than I’d like to admit during these past few months of chaos with two kids under two. There’s something comforting about knowing we’re not alone in what we’re experiencing. And while I’m hesitant to recommend Instagram as a therapeutic tool, I’ll admit there have been a few meaningful nuggets along the way.

My favorite: “We are going to miss this.”

It’s a simple reframe of gratitude that feels especially relevant in this stage of life. The apartment may be a mess, the kids may be screaming, but no matter how chaotic it feels, we both know these are the moments we once dreamed of, and the ones we will undoubtedly miss. So we pause, take a breath, look at each other, and remind ourselves to slow down and take it all in.

I’m returning to therapy now as a mother of two, with a renewed perspective—and I hope to bring these reflections into my work. Life is full of contradictions, but within these dichotomies, if we allow ourselves to see it, there is almost always joy and love to be found. 

I am so proud of the perinatal support our Be You Psychotherapy team offers. Please reach out to learn more about our offerings, and if there is interest, I would be enthusiastic to run another postpartum support group soon.  Feel free to get in touch with Be You Psychotherapy to learn more about our perinatal support here.